For A Piece of My Mind’s “Secrets” Contest…

So Christina posted this contest for us here

I submitted a repost

Day One: 10 Secrets

I have to get back into blogging!  The intention is there, but to actually sit down and get a post done is the problem…work really keeps me busy and in the evenings I am pretty much to pooped to sit in front of the PC for another hour or so.  But, I need to, so I’m going to – even if it means that I have to blog from bed…

An update of one of the blogs I follow was in my inbox this morning and it looks like it very well may be the kick up the bum that I need to get my blog going again…

It is a daily challenge which requires me to write a piece for ten consecutive days, starting with ten secrets about myself.

It is a daily challenge which requires me to write a piece for ten consecutive days, starting with ten secrets about myself.

  1. I am secretly in love with CSI detectives – for years I was absolutely besotted with David Caruso, but I’m over him; his fixation with his sunglasses now gets on my nerves.  I find Eddie Cahill (Detective Flack in CSI: NY) absolutely gorgeous – must be those blue eyes…
  1. I want to be Dr Who’s companion.  But then David Tennant must be the Doctor.  I will always be thankful to my friends Lisa and Leon for introducing me to the Doctor.  There would be a huge gap in my heritage had they not.
  1. I have a love of peanut butter in any shape or form – even ice-cream.  Just the other day I bought myself a tub of peanut butter swirl ice-cream from Woolies and even though it is way too cold for ice-cream, I sneak a teaspoon or two into my mouth after supper.  No-one else is allowed near my ice-cream.
  1. I wish someone would find me (or I, him!) that loves me for who I am, how I am, no matter what.  I’m tired of being alone.  This feeling is exacerbated every time I hear friends of mine are getting married, or those who are, are having kiddies, or I catch the bouquet at a wedding – just last week I caught my third consecutive bouquet – not a good hat-trick to have.
  1. By the time I went to school at the age of six, I still couldn’t tie my shoelaces.  Seriously.
  1. The quickest way to get me to fall asleep in front of the TV is to put David Attenborough on – there is something about his voice that puts me to sleep.
  1. If I could, I would eat Italian food every day.  The passion and love that goes into Italian cooking makes it tastier.  I would love to tourItalyon a little Vespa scooter from North to South sampling the food – not caring about the weight I will undoubtedly put on.
  1. I am fascinated by snakes and crocodiles – particularly when they come packaged as shoes and handbags. 
  1. I love big band music.
  1. When I was a little girl I wanted to be a teacher – when I hear on the news what happens in schools these days, I’m relieved I’m not.

Creative Writing: Secrets (PG 18)

This is a repost of a Creative Writing Challenge I took part in during 2008.

I say, “I have a secret.” Immediately each one of you reading this post will think, “don’t we all?” As it is a secret, it is not meant to be told, so sorry to disappoint you, my lips are sealed, but, seeing as I really want to take part in the challenge, I found a picture on the ‘Net to inspire me.  The piece is partly fact, partly fiction…

(Image courtesy of: http://minuet.dance.ohio-state.edu/~gallo54/images/words/secrets/secret_keys.jpg

Locked away in the deep recesses of my mind, I have a secret. A lustful secret…

I’ve known you for what feels like forever, yet, I looked at you the other day and it was like I was seeing you for the first time. The need I felt for you at that specific moment was so carnal, so urgent, so totally uninhibited, that I could feel the dripping wetness between my legs.

I don’t know what came over me, but right then and there, I wanted to tear your shirt off ’til the buttons shot in different directions…

To kiss you with the passion that for so long I have unwittingly harboured for someone else. To taste your sensual lips. To feel your heat in my mouth. I wanted to lick each contour of your well-honed torso…to trace each crevice with my expeditional tongue.

When I got to your belt I would stop… Make you watch as I slowly peeled off my top to reveal my pert, hard nipples, lick my fingers and slowly tease them myself, before lowering them into your waiting mouth.

The mere thoughts of your strong masculine hands cupping my breasts in your hand, then taking them into your warm mouth was enough to turn the dripping wetness into a gush.

Once I had your belt undone, I would tie both your hands above your head, to the bed with it, leaving you with just enough leverage to watch how I would undo your well-fitting jeans, slowly peel them off with a glint in my eye, and do the same with mine. I would take a few stolen moments to entertain my secret desire to bring a third person into the mix, then proceed to teasing the pulsing bulge between your athletic thighs with my hungry tongue, before taking your full manhood into my mouth, pleasing to like that until you are on the brink of exploding. Then again, I would stop…

…slowly untie your arms and let you do to me exactly what I need you to do, what I want you to do, what I want you to want to. Even though you know me as a gentle soul, the passion you will have experienced since this encounter began will tell you that I don’t mind it rough. Then, just as I am about to come, I will take you inside me and an earth-shattering orgasm will unite us.

I know though that this will only remain a secret fantasy in my lustful mind, because you are a Man of the Cloth, married to someone I hold in high regard.

Pandora’s Box

The saying says, “let sleeping dogs lie” – but as usual, my curiosity got the better of me. The fact that I had a vivid dream about my biological father on Saturday night, coupled with the ad in the You magazine and the haunting vision, didn’t help matters.

I posted a request on Facebook to find out if anyone could help with news about him. Mom was livid when she found out about it and Laura, my cousin said it wouldn’t really make a difference if I knew or not, but I wanted to know.

Two friends came to the rescue but what I have found out has left me with more questions than answers – and some fears too.

Keryn did a trace update on him – last known address is somewhere in Roodepoort and that is in 2002. He was employed as a security guard. He never moved up in the world.

His marital status is the big-M (which is a surprise because he lived with Mom for fifteen years and never married her – despite them having me). No dependants. Run of the mill stuff – nothing really concrete. She then did a credit check on him too – there is NO information whatsoever on him since 2002. It’s like he literally has just vanished.

Then Jenna, our receptionist’s fiancé, Felix did a criminal check on him and that had some interesting, and expected results (although part of me so hoped that he would have changed in twenty two years since I last saw or heard from him).

Turns out that after 2002 when he was last accounted for according to the basic trace Keryn did, he was found to have been in a rehab centre in 2007, which we surmise has something to do with a drug possession arrest at the same time. There is also a suspended sentence of five years on that. Then, in 2009 it shows that a case of fraud had been filed against him in Boksburg. So at least I know he wasn’t dead last year. There is nothing about him being dead, so the assumption is that he is in hiding, given the fact that if he is found guilty of the fraud he will definitely end up in the chookie, given the fact that he is still on a suspended sentence for the drug possession charge.

The drug possession charge doesn’t surprise me – he was a dagga smoker even when Mom and I still lived with him. Mom thinks she protected me from his terrible secret, but I knew. The fraud though, while not totally surprising, is something I wasn’t expecting. It scared me. Hell, re-tense that. It scares me.

I’m relieved though, that there is no criminal activity involving child molestation (unless Felix didn’t have the heart to tell me), because he molested me as a child, as well as a school friend of mine, and Cousin Laura too. It’s sick, it’s sad, and no matter what happens, a true reality that taints every relationship I enter into.

Now, my question(s)…Genetically we are linked. Fact. No amount of denial or time apart is going to change that. If we are genetically linked, what is stopping me from snapping one day and turning out to be just like him? Or is my conditioned upbringing going to switch off that part of my brain?

While I haven’t turned out to do anything criminal (yet), I see a destructive pattern in the men I’m attracted to because on some level, they are all like him…

Peter – looked like him to a point. Had that some suave, cocky attitude.

Jessie James – he could have been my biological father’s son. They are so the same in the way they do things, what they’ve achieved and where they’re going, it is beyond scary.

Stuart – an ex I dated twice. He broke up with me on Facebook. He lied to me, cheated on me (although I can’t point fingers because he was cheating with me on his girlfriend at the time), drank too much and bought me flowers or chocolates every time he had done something wrong. Exactly the same as my father used to do with Mom. And me. I never wanted for any toy as a child – he always gave me exactly what I wanted.

Even Mark – my heart is absolutely breaking to make some kind of lee-way with him, but he is acting like a coward, hiding behind a switched-off phone and pretending that I don’t exist. My father did exactly the same thing when things got a little too hard to handle. He would just not come home. Pretend that his problems didn’t exist, instead of facing them head-on, like a real man.

I wanted to know. I don’t deny that. But now that I do, I admit that I was much happier living in my oblivious world. This little opening of Pandora’s box has left part of me empty and broken. I suppose part of me was always empty and broken – this has just made that all the more obvious.