Meh, Meh, Meh!

One thing I have struggled with during the lockdown is reading. I’m not sure why, because reading has always been a great form of escape for me. It’s as if my brain refuses to leave the place it’s at now to go to places of fantasy, murder, and intrigue. It’s frustrating to say the least.

Maybe it’s because I’m feeling like John Coffey in The Green Mile, which coincidentally is one of my favourite books.

There is a lot of awful stuff going on. Not just in South Africa, but globally. It makes me sad, even though I know there is nothing I can do about it. As far as possible I try to live in my little bubble, oblivious to what’s going on around me, but the muck still filters through.

I’m not sleeping again which isn’t helping matters either. I am waking up at all hours, thinking about all kinds of things.  Most nights it’s my aunt and how her diagnosis has affected The Bean. The two of them of more than sisters, they’re soulmates, family politics aside.

Other times I lie awake wondering if there is oil to be struck in my driveway. I said to Elizabeth earlier this week, “five years ago we earned less than we do now, but it was as if life was better.” We used to go out once a month for dinner and a glass of wine. Since the middle of last year, it just wasn’t possible anymore because of rising costs and our money devaluing almost weekly.

The lack of sleep means that my fuse is short. I am irritable and constantly craving carbs. I baked two loaves of bread on Sunday while at my folks. The one decided to explore outside the baking tin, so I got creative. The Bean and The Toppie kept the larger loaf and I took the smaller one home. Before I could really enjoy it, the ants made a meal of it, so I had to toss it in the garbage. Argh!

In other (less depressing) news, my windowsill garden is thriving. Eliza and Nathan offered that I can transplant the little veggie plants into their big garden at home, seeing that I don’t have the space. I will take the plants when I go and visit next week. I’m not good company at the moment.

What I need is sunshine and water. I’m progressing with the latter. I shall take a walk during the weekend. It should do me good.

Until next time, stay safe and let those close to you know you love them.

Day 21: It Would Have Been Parole Day

Today marks the day the pre-extention-lockdown in South Africa would have been lifted. As many people have been referring to it, parole day.

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Day 20: Celebrations, Nostalgia and Britcom

Today is day 20 of the lockdown. Like the featured image of this post, it feels as though time moves at a snail’s pace of late. I have slowed down. As I sit typing this post, I can hear the waves crashing in the distance, and the occasional cheep of a wagtail. The local hotel’s resident ducks are also meandering around the neighbourhood by the sounds of things. All these sounds have just been drowned out by an aircraft that is audibly flying very low.

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Day 5: Panic & Gratitude

The first quarter of the year is over. What a ride it’s been so far!

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Rain, Soup and Handcuffs

Just before the annual arrival of the Northerners to our little town last December, the municipality imposed water restrictions due to continuously lowering dam levels.  For me, it isn’t such a serious thing, because I’m at work during the day and the most water I use is to shower daily Continue reading

#EkOok

My friend, Yolandi Claassens, writes Afrikaans motivational, Christian-based stuff drawing from her own testimonies.   She has published one anthology already, entitled Padlangs (translation in context of her writing:  The Journey), which started as a blog and Facebook page (much like Reflections of a Misfit).  Padlangs and it as well as her second manuscript, Padkos (translation in context of her writing:  Soul Food) are currently being edited by a different publishing house for publication later this year.

The story of why she changed publishers is outlined in this book I purchased from her today.  It is entitled #EkOok (#MeToo), a collection of stories written by various South African women from all walks of life who share their stories of hope after disappointment and rising after defeat.

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Obviously if I only bought the book today, I haven’t done much in the line of reading.  I jumped to Yolandi’s story, where she had penned the message “Jeremiah 29:11 – make it yours”.  I then happened upon another story about a woman who found out about her husband’s infidelity when she received a text intended for his mistress.  She fell pregnant and came to after the birth, only to discover her husband and his mistress in her hospital ward.  But that’s not all, he went on to tell her that due to her disobedience, he would not be tending to her-, nor the baby’s needs.  If she wanted anything, she would have to ask his mistress.  If your jaws haven’t all dropped in disbelief, then I’d like to know what is wrong with you?!  The writer goes on to say that she has moved on, forgiving her (which I gather must be her now ex-) husband, in order for her to be able to live her life to the fullest.

From my own experience, I know forgiveness is hard.  Especially when you did nothing but care for someone who betrayed your heart so badly, you would rather have died than go on.  But (there’s always a ‘but’, isn’t there?) forgiveness does enable one to move past the hurt, resentment and anger – eventually.  Also, drawing from my own life, forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to let them back into your life when they have (apparently) seen the error of their ways.  I wrote, well ranted, about such an instance here.

Both Yolandi, and the other lady’s story have one thing in common:  We are not always in control of what happens to us, but (this is a good ‘but’) we do command the power of how we react.  As someone who needs medication to keep Darkness at bay, I do know that I can either decide to let It envelope me, or I can take a rest and give myself time to regain perspective.  That is where my authority lies – in knowing that I need to heed the warnings and that having a boundary of I’m not able to (insert whatever seemingly normal activity may become overwhelming at times) is not a weakness.  I can choose to do what I need to do to remain strong.

There are seventy-one stories in #EkOok and my intention is to read at least three a day, because there are stories in it that remind me that no matter how hard things seem for me, there are women that have faced worse and reached a point in their life where they can share their story – that’s true healing, right there.  There are times when I feel unworthy or unloved and there, on the crisp pages of this book, ink dances to remind me that I am enough!

 

What’s Been Happening

So, remember the list of goals I made last week? Well, I have ticked off at least one – the renewal application of my passport. I sat at Home Affairs for a while yesterday as they were offline, but once they were back on, the process was dealt with quickly. In seven to fourteen days I will have my new passport, so should a trip come across my path, I can grab it with both hands.

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2020 is Here

New year, new decade…no resolutions, just goals:

Blog more and grow my blog and Facebook following.  My dream is to establish Reflections of a Misfit as a brand of sorts.

Drink more water and get some sun, because according to some memes, I’m nothing more than a houseplant with complicated emotions.

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I’ve already decided what the theme for my birthday, which is nine months and twenty days away, is going to be.  I would love to say that it came to me in a dream, but the truth is that a friend shared something on WhatsApp that spurned the wheels of creativity.

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