Day 161: Knowing Me, Not Knowing You

In an attempt to draft a ‘getting to know me better’ post for you, my awesome readers, I put a post on FB which read, ‘if you could ask me any question, what would it be?’ The response wasn’t all that great, so I searched ‘how well do you know me’ images online and found one with thirty questions:

Do you have an addiction?

If I had to admit an addiction, it would be ice-cream. It is one of the few things I can’t resist – even when the weather is colder than the ice-cream is.

Who is/are your best friend(s)?

I have many besties – all for different reasons. It wouldn’t be fair to single out only one or two.

When is your birthday?

Soon – September 22nd.

What is your current mood?

I’m still a bit cheesed off because of Stage 4 loadshedding, but I’m feeling remarkably chipper otherwise.

What is/are your favourite animal(s)?

I love any kind of cat. Oh, and baby elephants. I am fond of birds too.

What is your favourite cartoon?

I will never tire of the roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote.

What is/are your favourite movie(s)?

The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Dirty Dancing, Fatal Attraction, A Few Good Men, An Officer & a Gentleman, Dead Poet’s Society, Shanghai Noon, The Holiday, Two Weeks’ Notice, and Notting Hill.

What is your favourite colour?

Purple.

What is/are your favourite food(s)?

Homemade: The Toppie’s curry or The Bean’s cottage pie. If I splash out at a restaurant, I prefer a medium-rare steak, sushi, or seafood.

Which of your girlfriends do you trust?

All of them – we wouldn’t have a friendship without trust?

Which of your guy friends do you trust?

See the answer above.

What is/are your favourite TV Show(s)?

Lately I’ve been watching Nurses and Pure Genius and loving them. A few of my all-time favourites though are: Bones, Dr Who, NCIS (all of them), and Suits.

Do you have any insecurities?

Show me someone who doesn’t, and I’ll show you a liar.

What is the last lame joke you heard?

On AlgoaFM Breakfast yesterday, Charlie T told this one:

A woman goes shopping and when she gets back to her car, she sees she locked her keys inside. A man stops, asking if he can help She explains what happens and the man removes his pants, wiping them across the lock on the door and it springs up. She asks how he did it and he replies, ‘these are my khaki pants.´

Who is the last person you hugged?

The Bean

What is/are your favourite hobby(ies)?

Blogging and more recently, cooking.

Who is the last person you texted?

My colleague, Nikita.

What is a random fact about you?

Before I got my braces, I could fit my fist in my mouth.

What is your current relationship status?

I’m so single that if I was a dollar a stripper’s g-string would spit me out.

Do you have any children?

Of my womb, no; of my heart, many.

Who/What do you miss?

Charlie, Suki, Carmen, and my mind most days.

What is something you hate?

Being woken up when I’m not fully rested. Seriously. Just. Don’t!

What is something you love?

Spending time with my parents and with my friends.

What is something you want?

To travel abroad again.

Who is the last person you called?

If you must know, it was Teresa – and that was on Tuesday night.

Where are you from?

Earth

What do you look for in a significant other?

Honesty, integrity, loyalty, trustworthiness, and compassion.

Do you have a morning routine?

Yes. Most mornings it is to try to get to the office on time after working from home for almost five months.

How much do you weigh?

More than I should.

And lastly…

How tall are you?

Not as tall as I’d like!

Bang, Bang! You Shot Me Down…

…Bang, bang! You shot me down.  Bang, bang! I hit the ground.  Bang, bang! That awful sound…

Today I’m going to talk about triggers.  Not the thingies that you pull to fire a gun, but the ones that fire something in your brain that leave you feeling explosively emotional, whether happy, sad, angry, overwhelmed, excited and/or (insert whatever you’d like to here).

Wood Texture Background. Vintage and Grunge style.
Wood Texture Background. Vintage and Grunge style.

I had two instances over the weekend that triggered negative emotions in me.  One was an altercation with a frog-eyed woman who was undecided about what cereal to put in her shopping cart.  She was standing on one side of the aisle looking at the variety on display telling another woman with dark hair to bend down and look at something lower down only to tell her “No, I don’t like that flavour”.  The Bean asked, “please can we get past?” and the brunette moved out the way.  She then said something about “just standing a little to the side” and Mrs. Frog Eyes got all in her face about “we’re all shopping here”.  The Bean replied with something in the line of “that’s why we should be considerate” and The Frog shouted down the aisle for her to “Shut up!”  I turned around, angry, and said rather loudly, “Excuse me?” and she carried on with “your mother is rude”.  I told her she was being rude, and she rewound to “we’re all shopping here!”  I think if I’d engaged with her a bit longer, her skin might have tightened so much she would have suffered an ocular proptosis, or worse.  I wonder if she ever told her mother to “Shut up!” or if she would allow her children to yell at her to “Shut up!”  Either way, I hope her fishwife behaviour left her feeling proud.

Needless to say, what was supposed to be a fun outing for The Bean and I had been rained up both literally and verbally.

Should I ever be in the unfortunate position of having to deal with something like this again the future, I’ll take a leaf out of David Sutcliffe’s books in the first episode of Cracked.  I imagine it would provide for some kind of entertainment.  Either that, or it could get me committed.

The other was a tv feature called Mighty Cruise Ships which is airing on Discovery.  Each episode deals with a different line, vessel and route.  It’s extremely interesting, but it left me feeling a bit empty, especially after watching an episode that dealt with various ports of call in the Med and Europe, which co-incidentally would have been the route I would have been on with Charlie for three weeks starting later this month, but life happened and that dream is back in the box.  Sure, I’m going to Victoria Falls which is something I’ve dreamt about since I was knee-high to a grasshopper, but part of me longs for the original plan that I was so excited about and looking forward to. I read today that people wanting to do The Devil’s Pool excursion in Victoria Falls need to be able to swim a portion of the Zambezi against the current, so I will have to start swim-fitness again.

In both instances I recognized that I was being set off into a spiral of sadness and also that these things are not a result of something I have done.  Still, it doesn’t make me feel less meh about things, so I did what my therapy dictates – I journalled about it, albeit only today, I drank water (because my brain doesn’t work properly when it’s thirsty), I read a bit and I had a (reasonably) early night.

Anyhow, tomorrow I start work for a new company (the one I’m with has merged with another, so it’s business as usual; only it’s not).  My social calendar is full for the next two weeks and work is also major-league busy with financial year-end.  It’s going to be an interesting last quarter of the year, that’s the one thing I’m certain of.  Let’s all keep our wobbly bits crossed that I don’t do my nut before the end of it again, because I am taking a bit of strain again.

I doubt I’ll be one hundred percent hunky dory tomorrow, but I’ll follow Dory’s advice:  Just keep swimming – both emotionally and physically – because #DevilsPool is on my #bucketlist

‘Til Next Time

 

Emotions Running High

The last week has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster ride. In a matter of seven days I went from:

High on happiness after receiving the results of my novel writing course
to
Low because I heard that I won’t be able to carry on because the finance I applied for is not going to be granted.
to
Angry when a friend hurt my feelings by jumping to a wrong conclusion
to
Excited when I heard another friend is coming to visit
to
Confused at receiving mixed signals from a chap I fancy
to
Proud after doing extremely well at my second fitness test
to
Heartbroken when I heard that a friend of mine had lost his mother
to
Surprised when I heard that Julius Malema’s appeal was rejected and that he has finally been stripped of his position as leader of the ANC Youth League.

I told Carmen last week that I’m scared (so another emotion) I’m having a relapse, considering that I just tossed my anti-depressants aside without really consulting anyone. I felt I didn’t need the crutch anymore, so I just stopped drinking them. After all I have so many positive things to focus on. Some days though I wish I could have the crutch back…

Anyhow, I’ve been in the mood to write poetry again – the emotional up and downs seem to have that effect on me, but the question was what to write about. So, I got hold of Suzelle this morning and said, “Help! I want to write some poetry, but I have no idea about what. Give me a theme.” She replied that I should write about dreams…and so, as is par for the course when I want to write poetry, I trawl the internet for some visual inspiration. I came across this picture on Outinleftfield and thought that it is absolutely perfect.

Focused on a goal
Transfixed by a hope
Mesmerized by a dream

Her hazel eyes stare
Into a dark oblivion
Yearning to find treasure

You look at her
But she doesn’t notice
Her mind is whirling

She reaches her dream
Clings onto it tightly
Wanting to realize it
She plans the execution
The intricate battle plan
Her demeanour cat like

You wonder about her
But she doesn’t notice
She chases her dream

At the last hurdle
She stumbles, she falls
Her dream is lost

Hazel eyes are puffy
Staring into the light
Her dream is gone

You speak to her
But she doesn’t notice
She can’t carry on

Focused on her religion
Transfixed by her heaven
Mesmerized by her Lord

Her hazel eyes alight
With a hopeful future
Clinging to His Promise

You look at her
Her smile welcomes you
Invites you to celebrate

She finds her heaven
Enters it with excitement
She wants to stay

Her heart is light
Her spirit is peaceful
Her life is complete

You wonder about her
You question your motives
You finally ask her

But it’s too late
You wasted previous time
Her heart has flatlined…

Quick Reflections on a Year Past, Resolutions for the One Ahead

Last night I sat, chilled Chardonnay in hand, on the comfy chair in Elizabeth’s lounge chatting about 2011.  Personally it wasn’t a bad year for me, but many people close to me lost someone important to them.  Every time there was a loss, even though it didn’t directly link with me, it made me more and more aware of my own mortality.

I remember a post Aunty Carol put on Facebook – “Children, be careful of growing up too fast, because you forget that while you are, your parents are growing old.”  This really touched me because I realize every time Dad comes home from a month at sea, that he has aged.  Mom told me one night that she is ready to die and I burst into tears.  She looked at me tenderly, “We’re all going to die sometime, my girl,” she said, “it’s the one thing no-one can escape.”  Tears streaming down my face I said, “I know Mom, but I don’t want to think about it.”  

I started a new job in April and I am so happy – I have been blessed with wonderful colleagues, an understanding boss and enough stimulation for my mind.  Even more importantly, this job allows me to spend time with my family, my friends, do my writing and enjoy a good book every now and then.

I stopped drinking my anti-depressants (cold turkey) in mid-October and towards the end of November, I hit a very bad downer, but with the help of mostly my friends, I got through it. 

Also, something I never thought I would ever do was exercise every day, let alone join the gym, but I did – and that too has made me a better person.  I have made new friends there and even though I go for only an hour every day, I come home feeling energized and positive.  

All in all, as I reflect on 2011, it was an okay year for me.  I’m looking forward to 2012.

I don’t have any major resolutions for this year, but a few things I want to achieve are:

1.  Submitting a complete manuscript to my tutor for proof-reading and editing and then rewrite it well enough to submit it for publishing consideration.

2.  Practicing a random act of kindness every day – after all, there is a saying that says “be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet, for everyone is facing some kind of battle.”

3.  Walk through the night at the annual CANSA Relay for Life.

4.  Go on another cruise holiday (for my leave in December).

5.  Blog daily – even if it is a short post, or simply a wordless photograph.

6.  Be the best friend I can be to my friends.

7.  Leave behind the past and focus on the future.  

8.  Reach my goal weight of 61 Kg by the end of June.

A friend of mine sent me this message this morning – and I believe that it is perfect to end this first entry of what I KNOW is going to be a great year…

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters to what lies within us.  We all have questions about what this New Year will hold for us, but we have courage:  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

Photographs…

 

Stinging eyes, damp with salt

Reality dawns with a choking sob

So many memories…

In each picture she smiles

I wonder where she is

The girl I used to be…

It’s not that I don’t like

The woman I’ve become

Life is just different now…

Relationships have been altered

Some friends lost, new ones found

Solid ties for the future…

I hold onto hope

I laugh out loud

Love in my aching heart will abound!

Day Four: Seven Wants

Seven Wants…

Now this is a fun topic!

1.  Mercedes Benz

Preferably a C200 Kompressor, either white or silver, with either a grey or beige interior, an automatic transmission and a sunroof.

2.  A Holiday in Europe and Argentina…

 I’m particularly fascinated byItalyandFrance(it’s the food and the language…). 

As forArgentina, I want to go there is I can tango in the cobblestone streets with a mysterious dark South American stranger.

 3.  To Be Remembered

As someone who touched someone’s life…one of the biggest things I have learnt in recent times is to be nice to everyone I meet, because they truly may be fighting some kind of battle.  Kindness costs nothing, yet it is a great gift.

4.  To See my Friend Kerry Again

She lives in Johannesburg, and needs a break – and we need to catch up…I can see us reminiscing up a storm over a bottle of wine, or giggling about something silly over cocktails.  I must make a plan – for her to either visit me down at the coast (which I think will recharge her batteries) or for me to go up there…

5.  A Place of my Own

Not just a place where I live on my own, but a place of my own, that I own.  I don’t want a lavish place, but just something comfy where I can leave my own personal stamp.

6.  To Meet my Favourite Authors

James Patterson, Jeffrey Deaver, Patricia Cornwell, Sue Townsend and Michael Connelly…and then invite them all over to dinner at my house, which will be cooked by my chef, Luigi or Michél (whom I will have recruited during my European holiday).

7.  To have an Unlimited Supply of my Favourite Perfume

Calvin Klein’s Euphoria…I’ve tried many perfumes, but this is number one in my top three.  Number two is Chanél Chance Le Tendre and Number three is Givenchy Very Irresistible.

Day Two: Nine Loves

Nine Loves…

I uhm’ed and ah’ed about this one quite a bit, but I realized I have more than nine – deciding on the top nine was the difficult bit. 

  1. My Parents

Yes, yes, it probably sounds so clichéd, but it’s the truth.  Without them I wouldn’t be the person I am today.  They still chide me when I do something wrong, but are supportive of me in every way.  I sometimes think about what life will be like when they’re gone, and it breaks my heart – the time we have is so precious…

  1. My friends and Some of my Family…

 …Most of them anyway, although honestly, I love some a lot more than others. 

 I can count on a single hand the really awesome friends I have (and this is in no particular order) – there is Kerry in Jo’burg – no matter how much time goes by without us seeing each other, we are always able to pick up where we left off, and she is always there when I need to talk. 

Elisabeth is another top-notch friend – sure, there are days when she makes me so angry I’d like to throttle her, but I will never find another friend like her – she is loyal, caring, always willing to listen, and always around with a helping hand to help plan or clean up after a get-together.  I love the way she always brings me back to earth – even though the ride is sometime bumpy.  She said to me one day that I am her “honourary sister” and that made me feel so special. 

Geri & Dan in Durbs – who strangely enough are friends I met online (in a trivia chat room).  We met in person in November 2002 and just gelled so well.  They have two gorgeous kids and they are always willing to open their home to me.  They were Godsends in January when we had our car accident – the towing company wouldn’t come and get us out until we paid the money upfront – (really now, talk about unreasonable), but when I phoned Dan and Geri with the details, they didn’t hesitate to immediately transfer the cash and get us sorted.

Cousin Lara – while we live in the same town, and don’t see each other as often as we should, when we do, well, there are always tears – tears from laughing so much that our tummies ache. 

That’s not all of them, but if I have to list everyone – this will end up being a thesis-long post. 

  1. Books

I cannot function without books.  Sure, the Kindle is a great invention, but to me, there is nothing like the feel of turning a page to find out whodunit.  I have been gifted some old books over the years, and there is something magical about the smell of the yellowing pages that makes me wonder what those books had seen before they landed on my shelf.  My love of reading is something I inherited from Mom (another reason I love her… Dad on the other hand doesn’t understand why I spend a fortune on books that I am only going to read once…) 

  1. Cooking

While I am by no means a foodie like some of the blogger friends I have, I do love being in the kitchen rustling up something to eat.  Mom has a number of kitchen gadgets, which makes the exercise all the more entertaining.  I am totally in love with (her) Russell (Hobbs Bread Machine).  I have mastered a Cottage Cheese and Herb Bread and on Sunday I made a Trail Mix Wholewheat Loaf (it was almost perfect, except that all the raisins were on the outside of the loaf.  Generally I am not a bad cook (well, nobody has died from anything I’ve made), but heaven knows, I am definitely not a contender for Masterchef… 

  1. Writing

I have been blessed with a vivid imagination, a knack for telling a story, and a love of words – this combination has grown into a love of writing.  I enrolled for a novel-writing course with the South African Writers’ College.  I am loving every minute of it and I am so inspired because the feedback I have been getting from my tutor has been constructive, but always positive.  One of my dreams to be on the New York Bestseller’s List – who knows, maybe this is the beginning of realizing that dream. 

  1. Children and their Innocence

Even though I don’t have any of my own, I love children.  I love their innocence – like a friend of mine’s daughter telling the minister’s wife that she has big nose.  Her mom is cringing with embarrassment, yet the little one doesn’t realize that she has just committed a social faux pas. 

  1. A Good Red Wine

Elisabeth and I hadn’t been friends long, but she took it upon herself to turn me into a red wine drinker – and I love her for it!  There have been countless evenings when I have polished off a bottle with either her or another friend – and always felt better for it.  A spicy Shiraz on a frosty evening wards off the cold – and what’s better, the empty bottle doesn’t tell secrets… 

  1. Rainy Weekends

 Because then I don’t have to find an excuse to lay in bed all day watching DVD’s or reading a book or working on my novel.

  1. Chocolate

It doesn’t matter what shape, size, form or colour – if it is chocolate, I love it.

 

Day One: 10 Secrets

I have to get back into blogging!  The intention is there, but to actually sit down and get a post done is the problem…work really keeps me busy and in the evenings I am pretty much to pooped to sit in front of the PC for another hour or so.  But, I need to, so I’m going to – even if it means that I have to blog from bed…

An update of one of the blogs I follow was in my inbox this morning and it looks like it very well may be the kick up the bum that I need to get my blog going again…

It is a daily challenge which requires me to write a piece for ten consecutive days, starting with ten secrets about myself.

It is a daily challenge which requires me to write a piece for ten consecutive days, starting with ten secrets about myself.

  1. I am secretly in love with CSI detectives – for years I was absolutely besotted with David Caruso, but I’m over him; his fixation with his sunglasses now gets on my nerves.  I find Eddie Cahill (Detective Flack in CSI: NY) absolutely gorgeous – must be those blue eyes…
  1. I want to be Dr Who’s companion.  But then David Tennant must be the Doctor.  I will always be thankful to my friends Lisa and Leon for introducing me to the Doctor.  There would be a huge gap in my heritage had they not.
  1. I have a love of peanut butter in any shape or form – even ice-cream.  Just the other day I bought myself a tub of peanut butter swirl ice-cream from Woolies and even though it is way too cold for ice-cream, I sneak a teaspoon or two into my mouth after supper.  No-one else is allowed near my ice-cream.
  1. I wish someone would find me (or I, him!) that loves me for who I am, how I am, no matter what.  I’m tired of being alone.  This feeling is exacerbated every time I hear friends of mine are getting married, or those who are, are having kiddies, or I catch the bouquet at a wedding – just last week I caught my third consecutive bouquet – not a good hat-trick to have.
  1. By the time I went to school at the age of six, I still couldn’t tie my shoelaces.  Seriously.
  1. The quickest way to get me to fall asleep in front of the TV is to put David Attenborough on – there is something about his voice that puts me to sleep.
  1. If I could, I would eat Italian food every day.  The passion and love that goes into Italian cooking makes it tastier.  I would love to tourItalyon a little Vespa scooter from North to South sampling the food – not caring about the weight I will undoubtedly put on.
  1. I am fascinated by snakes and crocodiles – particularly when they come packaged as shoes and handbags. 
  1. I love big band music.
  1. When I was a little girl I wanted to be a teacher – when I hear on the news what happens in schools these days, I’m relieved I’m not.