Day 123: Wyn vir die Pyn (Wine for the Pain)

If there was a Pandemic Prevention Olympics, South Africa would be on the podium taking gold medals by the barrel full. We’ve had the longest #Coronavirus lockdown in the world.

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Centenarian Legend

( I always try not to use real names in my blog, but for this entry, I must. It pays homage to a Grand Old Dame, one who will live on in the hearts of many people. I cannot write from a perspective of knowing many of the other family members, so the fact that I reference only a few is simply because they are who I know.)

There are legends, and then there are legends. I’m not talking about people like dead presidents, imaginary superheroes that stop the world imploding, or people that started some kind of revolution that brought about a type of good in the world.

I’m talking about regular people that have more life experience than many of us could ever hope to have. One such person is Sylvia Palmer aka Shelagh-Rose’s Granny. I also called her Granny. Aunty Sylvia always sounded wrong to me. She passed away in the early hours of this morning at the ripe old age of 100 years, 8 months and 12 days. How many people to you know are even close to that age?

Shelagh-Rose and I have been friends for thirty-one years already, and through it all, Granny had always been there, guiding her. The bond they had was a close one; something incredibly special and in today’s day and age, extremely hard to find.

What never struck me growing up, is that my maternal side of the family knew the Palmers, so my friendship with Shelagh-Rose is more deep-rooted than I knew. I like to think destined.

My Aunty Cathy would often regale the tale of how she, my cousin, Lorna, Douglas (Shelagh-Rose’s uncle), and their friend David took a bike ride down Park Side West. David was in the saddle, Douglas on the carrier, Lorna (Cathy’s niece, my cousin, Douglas’s girlfriend) on his shoulders and Cathy on the handlebars. Yes – four children on one bicycle. It sounds like a circus act! As if that’s not enough to give any one a mild panic attack, the bike had no brakes! David scuffed his shoes to try and stop the bike, which shot across the Marsh/Church Street intersection, finally losing momentum at the dry cleaners close to The Point. I wondered this morning when I heard the news of Granny’s final breath if she every knew of this specific adventure.

The Bean told me a story about how her interactions with both Sylvia and her husband, Ray. They had a shop in town called Palmers. Every day Mrs. Gogerty (who was The Bean’s senior at the Scheltema offices) would send her to Palmers to buy a packet of biscuits for the office and Granny would write it up – back in the day when people were still honest enough to buy on the book.

There are many stories that I’ve heard from Elizabeth about her mother. All of them depict Granny to be a woman of incredible poise, wisdom, and everlasting love for her late husband. The two were married for only ten days before Ray was called up to train for combat in the Second World War. All through it Granny never doubted that The Love of Her Life, her Beloved Ray would one day return to her.

During the war, just before his return home, his platoon drew straws to be flown home, or sent by ship. Ray drew the short straw, which meant a longer journey home, but a journey home indeed. His fellow brothers in arms weren’t so fortunate; their plane was shot down and there were no survivors.

I was in primary (elementary) school when tragedy struck Granny. She was attacked in her home and sexually assaulted by a young criminal. Despite the horror what no woman ever hopes will ever befall her, Granny survived, exuded more grace, and was resolute in her decision to stay in her home of countless years. Elizabeth had a wedding photo taken on the steps of that very house, and years later so did Shelagh-Rose.

Elizabeth, Shelagh-Rose and Granny on the steps on Shelagh-Rose’s wedding day.

Granny lived on her own until the age of ninety-seven, when a nasty fall resulted in her hurting her hip. Strong as an ox she lay in agony for a few days before finally calling Elizabeth for help. As expected, she needed a hip replacement and the shock of major surgery began to take its toll.

Granny got dementia. There were days when her mind was still sharp, and there were others when she didn’t know her own children. She adamantly fought with Shelagh-Rose one day for having a child, but not being married.  This while Schalk, Shelagh-Rose’s husband, was in the room with them.

Granny with Suzelle, her great grandaughter (Shelagh-Rose’s & Schalk’s daughter).
Photo by https://www.lynellepienaar.com/
Four generations of Palmer women. FLTR: Shelagh-Rose, Suzelle, Granny, & Elizabeth.
Photo by https://www.lynellepienaar.com/

She knew I cared deeply for a friend that works on the cruise ships and kept asking me if we’d got married. I eventually told her we had, that it was the most beautiful wedding and that he was set to be away for a year. She never asked again. I don’t know if she forgot about my phantom nuptials, or if my answer satisfied her enough not to ask again. Either way, I appreciated that until I gave her an answer, she always asked.

One afternoon while she was still staying on the farm with Elizabeth, before her move to the ACVV home where she was well looked after, she told me a story about a woman in the district who would come to fetch her to take her to town to have her hair done. She also told me about the nurse who would visit. Both these people turned out to be Elizabeth. Some much change in such a short time was tough on Granny.

During her stay at the farm, Granny had a need to unpack and repack her cupboards every day. Try as she might, Elizabeth couldn’t convince her mom to stop doing it. Maybe in Granny’s addled mind it brought order, although to Elizabeth it brought some chaos. As short as Granny was, she also always managed to get stuff off the high shelves, but she had to get Schalk to put things back. These things seemed silly and frustrating at the time, but now they won’t ever happen again.

Even though I never visited the home where Granny spent the last few years of her life, and even though I’m not family, I feel incredible gratitude to the staff. From what I’ve heard from Elizabeth and Shelagh-Rose, they cared for Granny with compassion and patience – two characteristics that are often difficult to maintain when working with anyone, particularly an elderly person who for so long was independent, and towards the end was almost as fragile as a newborn baby.

I was privileged to be at Granny’s centenary birthday celebrations last October. I got the job of capturing the moments, not that I’m much good with the camera, but Elizabeth and Shelagh-Rose seemed pleased with the results, so all’s well that ends well. It was a momentous occasion, with Granny as the guest of honour (completely unaware of the celebration). All her family and friends that could be there, were in attendance, including her brother, Robert, who himself is in his seventies. Granny was lucid that day – something which I think her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren were happy about. For many, including myself, that is how I will remember her.

In one blow, Granny extinguished her 100 candle.

On the walls at the party, there were photos of Granny’s life – from the age of knee-high to a grasshopper, to her wedding, and so on. When she saw her wedding photo, she cried. Oh how, she missed her Beloved Ray. It was such a poignant moment. How many of us ever find love, especially a true, everlasting love that not even death can overcome?

Sylvia Palmer, you’ve run a great race. You’ve been a beacon of hope, a shining light, and a pillar of strength to those around you. The wait is over… you are now with Your Beloved Ray. We mourn your departure, but we celebrate your incredible life. Rest in Peace – you’ve earned it!

Days 14 & 15: We Were Past Halfway, Then We Weren’t Anymore, and Then it was Good Friday.

My previous pets control post has reached many people according to FB, but the stats on WordPress paint a different picture. I’m not complaining, merely stating a fact. Everyone that took part in the challenge – thank you! Your pets not only touched my heart, but those of many of my readers. Charles from work read the post, and sent this pic of his wannabee-lockdown-escapee, Tash, to me. I told him I’d include her in my next post, so here she is, in all her attempted-breakout glory.

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Let Them Eat Cake!

I’m far from Marie Antoinette, although admittedly, I know quite a few people who I’d happily behead if I were a Queen with a guillotine.

I’m also inclined to speak without thinking. You wouldn’t think it, but it’s true. I suffer from regular foot-in-mouth disease, often simply opening my mouth to change feet.

I haven’t blogged much about the company I work for having merged with our biggest competitor late last year. While a lot has changed, it’s pretty much business as usual, except for me making promises to bring a chocolate cake next time I visit the other branch. As quickly as I said I’d bring a cake, I forgot what I’d said, but Thomas didn’t. He reminded me and a promise is a promise, so I made a plan.

I have a mini oven in The Cave, which is good for only one thing – cremating whatever I put inside it. Buying a cake was an option, but in this instance it would have been a cop-out. Besides, I know an amazing baker. An added bonus is she lives right round the corner, and is one of my best friends. Elizabeth to the rescue!

I explained the situation to her and she said she’d bake a cake for me. I bought the icing ingredients and gave her a little something for her effort. While I had zero hand in making the cake, I did spray the pans and help dry the dishes. I also told her what I thought she should put on to decorate it. I must say, she doesn’t give herself enough credit, because as far as I am concerned, this cake is an absolute masterpiece.

Chocolate Heaven

The poor woman’s nerves are a little bit rattled, because she always stresses that her baked goods won’t be good enough, but everything I’ve ever eaten that she’s made is de-li-cious! She’s said that she wants to test her limits a bit as far as baking is concerned, so I will be making good use of her abilities. After all, I’m a good friend 😉

More Questions than Answers

I thought a lot about death over the weekend following Mr. Doeps’s memorial service on Friday.  Even though I don’t know his wife well and his children at all, I couldn’t help but think he was a few months older than The Bean (who is 73) and she’s a few months older than The Toppie (72). My brain then fixated on Psalm 90:10: 

“The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away.”

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Weird-Ass Wednesday

Refusing to put the light on because I didn’t want to be alert enough not to be able to resume the glorious slumber I had been enjoying before, I stumbled to the bathroom to well, expel the demon was causing the stomach cramps that had awoken me. Muttering to myself about the wee hours of a Wednesday morning being a crap time for a bowel movement. I heard a kind of scratchy sound, which I attributed to my medication not being completely absorbed into my system.

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Cape St. Blaize Lighthouse

As the lighthouse high on Cape St. Blaize winks and watches Mossel Bay was the opening line of my primary school’s anthem. Today I finally got to see that view for myself.

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2019, Goodbye!

As the sun begins to set on 2019

I reflect on where I am,

what was,

what might have been…

I remember the rivers I cried:

How, in March, I wished I had died.

So much has changed this year

Yet much is the same

Family, friends, job, dreams

Yet the solid ones remain my team.

I remember the laughter and smiles:

Gatsby, weekends away, foresty miles.

Photo by Johannie van der Hoven (c)

Often it was tough, but mostly good;

I loved and lost and stumbled and fell

But like a Phoenix, I rose

and finally understood

I remember feeling undefeatedly victorious:

The freedom of turning forty, so joyous!

Photo by Liezel Volschenk Photography (c)

Photo by Liezel Volschenk Photography (c)

Photo by Liezel Volschenk Photography (c)

Excitement grew, as did my dreams:

Of travel and writing

Of leaving what’s safe, to open my mind

To see new places, to spread my wings.

I remember the sad goodbye of dear, dear friends,

But our bond is stronger than time’s end.

I remember standing in speechless awe

Of the Mighty Zambezi and Victoria Falls

As 2020 looms, undoubtedly with challenges of it’s own

I take solace knowing I won’t have to face them alone.

Cheers!

**Unless otherwise specified, all photos are my own and my not be used without my prior written permission.**