So, Cousin Lola read the letter I wrote yesterday, and sent me a message that really tugged at my heart strings. Because I am so emotionally exhausted, I tend to cry. A. Lot! Reading her message had that effect. It is probably a good thing that I can’t afford make-up to wear to work because I would have surely resembled a raccoon this morning.
Oh, and she has given me a new nickname. Scrat. Yes, as in that googly-eyed squirrel from the Ice Age movies that spends the entire time chasing an elusive acorn. Apparently I remind her of that odd creature. The reasons she cited are positive, for example that no matter how tough things are I somehow just find a way to keep going…like he does in this image. I feel like I’m swimming in a pit of piranhas too!
But I am okay with being called Scrat, even though if you say it fast the R may get lost and it will be Scat, aka shit. Fine lines…
I went to friends last night and had two cups of coffee (tasted like bliss). I left a lot later than I expected to, but I got to chat openly to them about things. They have been in the loop with some things for a while but last night I elaborated a bit more. Just talking about it helped. As is the unwritten code in my friendship circle, I let them know I was safe and thanked them for caring. Cara said that if there was anything she could do to lighten the burden, I should let her know. The pretty standard Thanks, I will message followed because my pride keeps getting in the way.
Cara also gave me a beautiful gift. Owl earrings. Aren’t they cute?!
Something I should have probably told my sixteen year old self too yesterday, is “At some stage you inherit your mother’s fascination with owls.” I love the earrings and when I put them in to wear to work this morning, I felt a bit chipper. It’s that knowing someone does care that makes a difference.
I didn’t really sleep at all last night. Sure, it could be attributed to the coffee, but I think otherwise. I’ll never admit that my affair with caffeine sometimes keeps me up at all hours. Staring at the ceiling at some ungodly hour, I found myself awash with anxious emotions. Again. Still! It really sucks, because this is not who I am. I am generally a happy-go-lucky person who just wants to write and live in a world free of economic struggles and corrupt political leaders.
But, at some stage one concedes defeat. Not necessarily because you want to, but because something triggers your brain in to realizing that you simply have to. I’m not sure what exactly the trigger was for me, possibly Lola’s message, but I took the plunge and asked Cara and her hubby to help me temporarily solve one of the problems on my rather long list. The outcome, at the time of writing this post, is not yet known, but I’m hoping that they will agree. I’m sure some of you are wondering, so I’ll put it out there…it is not a financial loan.
The old adage about pride preceding the fall is so true. Had I sought help for even just a few of the problems I’m experiencing now, the pit wouldn’t seem so dark and bottomless as it does. I wouldn’t be feeling useless and like a failure. So for now, I am going to resign myself to the fact that things are bad. But…they could be a damn side worse!
You win some, you learn a lot!